I’ve never really established my blog as a part of something. I blog just to express what I feel but most of the time, I express it through the use of my photographs. However, there are also times wherein you feel like expressing yourself through words and that’s when inspiration kicks in for me to write about what’s on my mind and heart.

The past few weeks have been a struggle for me emotionally,psychologically and physically. I’ve lost valuables, I’ve been robbed, I’ve been literally sick, I’ve been stressed out from school.. and what sucks even more is that all of these happened in a span of 7 effin days. (Too much for a good week right?) For some point I thought I was losing my composure feeling like a failure and pessimist, for some point I thought of giving up. Giving up to a point that I wished to be numb and to just stay inside my room and sleep. But then again, what’s the point of life if you’re meant to live a perfect one? What’s the point of learning when you got nothing to learn about? After what had happened, I’ve felt very much differently. I’ve been disappointed with myself the past week having regrets of how much I took important things for granted.

Instead of taking it to heart and blaming myself for everything, I gave myself a challenge. Why not make this distressing feeling a drive to become so much better?. Let this experience be a drive to become better. 

This Thursday has got to be the most inspiring day I’ve ever had for the longest time. I’ve talked about my future with my parents earlier this afternoon about studying abroad. I’ve had a promising and inspiring meeting with the fiammafreshfridays team later that night. Lastly, I ended the day watching the last few minutes of Benjamin Button in our music room with my pops reminiscing of how much of a great movie it was. Hearing this line all over again hit me.

“For what it’s worth:it’s never too late or in my case,too early to be whoever you want to be.There’s no time limit,stop whenever you want.You can change or stay the same,there are no rules to this thing.We can make the best or the worst of it.I hope you make the best of it & I hope you see things that startle you.I hope you feel things you never felt before.I hope you meet people w/ a different point of view.I hope you live a life you’re proud of.If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”

To sum up all the things that happened today, I realized, it’s never too late to become better. I choose to become a better person not only for the people I love, but more importantly for myself. I’ve been happy about myself the past couple of months because I’ve been working so hard to reach for my goals. However,I’ve been disappointed as well for a lot of things. (disregarding time, ignoring valuables and pushing away people) I’ve been late, I broke promises, I disappointed people and I lost things. Worst of all, I took all them for granted at some point. It’s not something to be proud of because I am ashamed I did all of those things. Here I am, admitting that I am far from being perfect and great. And I’m not making it a reason to keep my flaws from becoming worse. I want this day to be the start of a better Nikki. The start of a more responsible, well driven and inspired Nikki. 

Life is not only about shoots and gigs. Life is about balancing everything and maintaining contentment and happiness in your life. It’s about valuing education not because you need to have high grades for people to say you’re smart but because it shows how much of a hardworking person you are generally in life. It’s also about being there when someone’s in need and also showing them how much great life is despite its bs. Life’s about trying,failing and bouncing back. It’s about attempting,getting rejected a few tries and finally being accepted. It’s not about losing hope, bragging and being pessimistic all the time. Live life to the fullest and no matter how wild your dreams are, when you believe in your capabilities as an aspirant, T(-_-)T all those doubts and people who bring you down!!  

I am very much aware that my life is far from the things I’ve written before this but who said my life can’t be like that?

Life is short, we need to do what we do best. Be different and make a difference. Influence the lives of others and be happy in the process as what dad told me. :)

So dear scholarship abroad, I will try to do all my best to achieve you. If not… there’s still hope for another one! HAHA joke =)) I mean.. If not.. I will work my ass more for something better ahead of me! And during the process of achieving so, I will conquer the last 4 terms I have in college with a smile on my face and a fighting spirit. THOU SHALL LOVE LIFE!